Queenie’s knocking on a bit (apparently)

This month’s Gscene magazine sees the missus wax lyrical about the checklist that keeps telling her she’s getting on a bit. Just a bit mind. Enjoy x

Why I know I really am knocking on a bit by Queen Josephine aged forty-eight and three-quarters.

1. It seems like about two months ago that Gscene last had a theme about Age although I’m reliably informed it was at least one year ago.
2. I cannot remember what the Gscene theme was two months ago.
3. I cannot remember what I did two hours ago.
4. I cannot see anything close up with my glasses on, yet cannot see anything far away without them. I am therefore constantly losing said spectacles as I whip them off to do something intricate then move off to do something else. Then I can’t remember where I left them or even see where they are. I then get cross in a grumpy old woman way about the amount of time I’m wasting searching for…um….. This also doesn’t look so cool when I’m djing. Keep thinking I should get glasses chains.
5. As predicted by Lulu I am now thinking that C and H Fabrics is indeed a lovely shop. Perhaps they sell glasses chains?
6. I have no idea what is Number One in the Hit Parade.
7. Wherever I park my arse I’m always sitting in a terrible draught.
8. Lollipop ladies seem to be getting younger.
9. I need the help of teenagers to make any my phone’s features work.
10. The only hot meat I like now is in a lovely stew with dumplings.
11. I don’t shop in Beyond Retro, preferring instead to just rescue an old outfit from the loft. Several decades of been there, worn it lurk in those dusty drawers!
12. I take more supplements than substances.
13. The age gap between me and the glorious missus seems to get wider and wider as she never ages and seems to get more stunning by the day.
14. Kate seems to have written the last one and I didn’t even notice as I was too busy looking at C&H Fabrics on line and anyway, I can’t find my glasses.
15. I feel sad when I don’t have a nice period costume drama on TV to look forward to.
16. It’s a surprise to find a dark armpit hair.
17. I’ve got this ‘thing’ with my knees…can’t really explain it but when I walk up the hill or start climbing the loft ladder one or both of them go all weird, with unattractive limping accompanied by assorted owwwch noises the result. I’ve also started using the words ‘giving me gyp’ to describe this.
18. If I’d got pregnant with my first serious boyfriend (yes, I know!) my offspring would now be 33 bloody years old.
19. I refer to myself as an old bag on a regular basis and whilst kindly friends protest at the use of bag nobody seems to be pulling me up on the old bit anymore.
20. I love wearing my slippers and thermal underwear whilst having a ‘nice bit of fish’ for my tea.

Read Queen Josephine in all her camp glory every month in Gscene

Queenie xxx