DJ Idol? Kiss my decks Simon Cowell

We want it to be a hoax. We want the stories of Cowell’s DJ Idol to disappear in a puff of smoke, as forgettable as his next big things Matt Cardle and oh what was his name? See I’ve already forgotten. But if this ain’t no hoax then TV just killed the DJ. Take the XFactor formula and add it to the DJ box. Surely nowt can be wrong with that? Exposure for young talent unable to make it pass the “its who you mix with not how you mix” rule, breaks for the bedroom bass addicts to scared to hit the clubs and a spotlight on an industry that some argue has never returned to those profit heavy heydays of the Nineties. Surely the talent will shine through?

You up for clubs rammed with TV rejects and overhyped Cowell approved personality DJs? Has XFactor tours and PAs taught us nothing. Not content with ruining Xmas, Cowell supposedly has our clubs in his sights. One series in and we’ll be begging for anything to numb the pain of pre-watershed basslines, bad hairstyles, mega egos and grating Trouse sounds. Be prepared, Cowell has seen what a touch of supposedly credible house can do to pop mediocrity and he wants in. Guetta DJ mafia types sold by the Cowell machine on your screen each and every weekend. Then in your club, your chart, your radio and in your soul.

DJing is a right earned in backrooms and warm-ups. Sure anyone can play records (nowadays anyone can mix) but its not really about that. Its about warming up empty rooms and learning your craft. Its about sets filled with tunes nobody knows and yet still filling the dancefloor, its about credible (yes that word) tunes, producers and remixes, its about delivering with love not by numbers. Its playing for punters not votes. Its not and should never be about the lowest common denominator.

Not that the uproar will stop it. He’s already had enough publicity to ensure that (and yes I’m aware I’m adding to it). It will just be what XFactor has always been, throwaway TV seeping into our lives. A diet of McRot, perfectly packaged, sweet tasting, addictive stuff; bad for the soul but somehow consumed by the masses without question. Resistance maybe futile but there will always be an alternative to the dross that is Cowell approved. The underground scene may need to dig down another level or two but I’ll happily follow knowing that sound, that DJ, that club night will keep me deep in the vibe of house. Care to join me?

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